Beatutiful Things...

Such a time as this...when there are many deceiver's of men in Colossians 2:8, any man means that all men are capable of being deceitful including me, that is why I must watch what I say that I may not grieve the Holy spirit but walk in Love toward all. I have often said my life has lead me to understand rejection & loss. I am one of those whose mother prayed & prayed for & even thow I wish my dusty path could of been different I am thankful because I have lost everything & I am always dependent on him for everything. My soul is what my mother prayed for & he did what he had to do to get my heart. Wow where would some of us be without our mothers prayers. I often wait for my girls to go to bed & I sit on the floor in between both beds with bible out & I pray over their souls. So without me knowing I have to become a praying mother. I here me saying things like Lord do whatever you have to do to ensure their souls be yours for all eternity. Ha! I can almost here my mother praying this & God saying to her, OK then I will do it "MY" way & in "MY" time. Ohhhh wow sometimes we pray for things & almost wish we could take it back...but in the end it will be worth it. I know my mother has cry ed as she has had to watch life almost be stolen from me to hear Gods cry for me to come to him. I heard that song Beautiful things today by Michael Gungor & it hit my spirit hard today cause I know other "Christians" that don't know me prejudge but little do they know God says to me & you that he sees in us what we don't. Beautiful things out of our dark times in our lives. Wow I am amazed at Jesus & the path he walked while here on earth. He amazes me! I heard a fellow friend say something quiet hurtful about me this week. Is it our job to know the heart of man, no its not mine or yours. As I prayed about this all the holy spirit was saying to me was Love, just Love as though you have never been hurt. What a challenge for sure. This is what I will try to keep doing. I may fail but I will keep trying. I know god will finish what he started in you & me. When I go to church instead of me judging my goal is to say thank you Lord for the work God is doing in my fellow church member. I know religion has had a hard time with redemption, I hear things like I believe in redemption however it can't change the past. No it can't...it forgets it & sees the many possibilities in your future as a kingdom builder. That's all i want to be is a Kingdom builder. Although religion has marked me off grace & mercy has kissed in my life & has marked me as the spill that produced beautiful things for the kingdom.

Serendipity

Although we don't believe in fairy tales we at times believe we are 3 princess's stumbling across this land finding fortunate discovery's while not in quest for them. What are these discovery's you might ask. Perhaps that wonderful spot we found that overlooks a sea of sand & seashells just waiting for tiny fingers to find, which leaves us amazed to observe the secrets of God's landscape. Or for me my 2 pearls I found washed up on shore as two little girls laugh with sand on their lips was a lovely discovery. New love for crashing waves on their toes. I knew they would love the sound of the beach but never so much that they would stand on a bench nearby & say their good byes with thankful hearts to our God. Or that sad homeless person we stopped to hand some food to and we ended up praying with & the tears that fell from her as she held my hand and how it did not matter what state she was in because love is what moves us and keeps us drawing close to him. You see My Jesus is guiding and all though my discovery's are not always wrapped in singing and jewels I am always lead to his arms at the end of my day...Has my Jesus given us our very own chapter of serendipity or is it simply that when you have completely surrendered to him he wraps the discomfort of this world in a map of quest you never knew you would see and discover. That is how our Jesus is working for us. As we walk the shores of this life I see & feel human frailty...even when God gives us a promise we still doubt it. How much clearer can God make things for us at times. Just in a moment of inviting him in and opening your heart to him he reveals himself to you in the obvious...that which was in front of you the whole time...the act of discovering something delightful when not looking. A disappointment of a delayed promise but hiding your faith in him to fulfill what you don't know will make you joyful and your life gives forth such praise that it draws you back to your Jerusalem your home the very place you started out & God reveals that it awaits you there your promise your moment of serendipity as I would say...that fortunate unexpected discovery. So my King put your hand upon 3 princess's and grace us with more serendipitous days ahead.

Our Jesus Chart

3 John 4 I have no greater Joy then to hear that my children walk in truth. This is my prayer and how we build the building blocks of our daily lives. I know I have made my choices and have my regrets but as I look back on all the brokenness of my yesterdays i am thankful. Without my brokenness I would not want to see others heartache and go with them to their low places. This is our new prayer that he would prepare us to go to the low place and love as Christ has loved us and reach down below as he has done for me. I heard the analogy of Jesus willing to clean up our messy diapers. As a parent you have no problem doing so because we love our children so much. So when we at times make a mess in our lives he is wonderful enough still to clean it up for us as long as we keep him as our father and our wills submitted to him. I am finding the wonder of this in my life some may not understand what has happened and why I have made poor choices but as I have stopped and focused with my babies on the one who is always there and will never leave us I find him cleaning up my messes and If I could describe to you my heart that has fallen so in love with this Jesus you would not believe the manner of conversation that has changed within myself. I will work as hard as I can to let my girls know that man will sometimes fail you but Jesus will not. When your lonely they know hes there to hold your hand as they watch me reach to him. They hear the comfort he always gives me and as Ava says to all around her you can not see him but you can feel him and that is the Jesus we look at with amazement that he would die on a cross for us. We sit sometimes and talk about it and I cry and they cry and He is very present with us daily. If I can take that message to any I come across then my yesterday tears were so worth it. Our father is our Joy that is why we kiss the Jesus on our chart.

Two Apples

Today two slender trees sprout their buds of fruit and then I see two apples unfold their rose. They have been planted by Gods hand and they dazzle in the sun. The very scent of ripeness rushed over me and I stall. There sure enough was two growing apple trees that has eased itself into summers leaves. I just pray that the seasons of my life have made a wise and strong apple tree to produce the leaves for blue birds to find rest and perch their nest. The discovery of my Jesus has left me with Joy that he has handed me my two apple trees.

Tasted Love so sweet

Tasted love so sweet...sugar on my tongue. This was one of my most heart felt moments I ever had with my Ava. The discovery of broken hearts and discovery that in the end dreams just scatter and sometimes fall like rain. The emotion of my sugar was a gift to me this day. A day where I did not paint a canvas of emotions instead she did for me. We discussed the mystery of roads and the path that sometimes causes tears to fall and then my heart has revealed to myself that this world is a heartbreak place where tired talk of a better world becomes hard to keep awake. I hold her as she opens up her little heart of such grown up words and then a cascade of tears fall from me and then her...we lay and cry together and become encouraged to make this dream of us come true. Her fingers roll over my face & mine over hers as if my disclaimer on her is that I would miss the taste of wanting her & how I would never auction our memories simply because it brought us here holding each others worlds. With every touch my life is awakened and her precious little tears fall on my lips and now I know I have tasted love so sweet.

My dream for a Garden!

I had a dream...it lead me to quiet places where I began to pray and cry out to the almighty and that dream died. Now I have a dream to change the world around me. Instead of God knocking on my door, I am knocking on his...to let me plant, to let me water, to let me see seeds grow. My garden is not a garden of stones, that I collect everyday and pick whom I will throw them at, or a haven for those who want to wallow in self pity. No...You see my life will bring into your life your strawberry patch of red ripe sweet flavor and a fragrance of your divine connection to live a whole life and life that brings you a basket of fruit. 1 Corin 3:9-10 tells me that For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building. (10)According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, & another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. I want to show you the master builder of my life. My Jesus has given me a supernatural nightlight to see beyond all of this into his arms to build for his kingdom not mine. I will never loose this light that shines so beautiful in my heart. To see him and behold his glory is my dream...until then I dream his dreams. All I can bring you is Gods Love Language. I wake with the Joy that overshadows what this world and life will bring. It abides deep within me. I am changed! I will never be the same! I will work to make the one I'm in love with rich with fruit.

3 Little Birds

Today 3 little birds did more than sit on a window or look out one. They played...they danced...they laughed...They sang a song that thundered deep within them. There is no rhyme that is half so sweet. Such a day when Love leans through windows and calls your name. When little girls scamper like roses over the rain green grass and the sun drips honey onto me. Such a day when my little birds cheeks are as baked bread to the mouth. What heart could have thoroughly fashioned these two...God is our shaper and he is teaching us how to love and look through windows of our souls to find him. The sky is low and the clouds have brought a sound of rain today but the sounds that come out of these little birds is like no other. I would say could this moment be more heavenly but I know our tomorrow holds more because we trust in him for our laughs and our Jesus delivers everyday without any false hope. My little birds sing and bring with them my song that make us today 3 little birds.

Baby its cold outside...

Oh Ava... the one God gave me to see myself in so many different ways. Not even the weather will move her deep desire for cold sweets. I say to her, "baby its cold outside, for that ice cream or push up" but her eyelashes bat and her arms begin the slow gathering around my leg as she insists on having it. I then begin the offering of much better desserts and then as the sparkle in her eye turns to bear a fight... yes she bears down and it is almost as if I can see her pull up her sleeves of emotions to bring it on. The list of tears start it off and then she begins to tell me how she is not going to buy me a surprise. The scenes of this picture included two spitfires claiming their right on being the last one standing. Then she does it...she pulls out the best for last...you know it, unfortunately we all know it... however when ever little girls say to you, "you don't love me" It does more than tear you down. It breaks me, like domino's. Game over and she grabs her coat over her Cinderella dress up outfit and before I say..."YOU WIN" she sits in preparation for the handling of the push up. Oh the pleasure as she makes a plethora of noises while eating it made the fight for me worth while. So Yes my little spitfire its cold outside and you my dear wear a coat inside while you enjoy a piece of summer in winter.

U spin me right round...

You spin me right round baby right round...or so it goes! This has been a song that has transpired in many different ways in my life this week. Hence my F.B. YouTube clip. I introduced my fans to Alvin & the chipmunks sound track and ever since then its all I have been listening to. So when the sweet cry's of mommy take me to the Mary-go-round start to go round and round in my ear, my mind runs to my own funny childhood memories and so the pattern keeps going. The famous grocery store Mary-go-rounds. They love them and I love the smiles I can collect from them. We take lots of hand sanitizer and we are more then good for the ride. I know is cold outside but its does more then repair me and gather whatever broken pieces I may have just to regain momentum for "our" ride. I know I have felt my day... and I am OK...we are OK. An ordinary day is priceless when my joys have directed a smile or laugh my way. So to the Joys that cause me to laugh and cry at the same time. You just keep spinning me round with all the love I can handle from your vine. It has nourished my soul today.

The Climb

I call today "the Climb" because it is a day in a life of a single mother in which you find yourself climbling through the rubble of your emotions. It is a day when you feel totally spent. In search for the want to keep climbing. I know God has given me a promise a new path a new journey, but the only way to get there is to climb it alone and it makes me weary and feeling lost. If I can paint a picture for you... a day where my life was tired of scenes of tears and trying to gain the life of laughter. I sat on the floor with my hands in my face asking my Beautiful god questions. Then my mind comes to the thought of a sea of lilies and we have made it. The pain remembered but no longer needing to be birthed. A day where the climb up that rocky mountain seems taxing. I have started the climb but I see myself today just sitting in the middle, not moving up because of my weary thoughts and not wanting to loose what I have already gained. I look down for someone to take over for me and I know there is no one to do that for me. A thought of Jeremiah 29:11-13 & I know that this is my climb and I find the strength to keep searching for my sunshine. Because in the midst of that sun is fire and there I will be consumed by him and that's all my heart wants at the end of my day...my climb to seek him and know when I have reached him I have found Heb 12:29 for our God is a consuming fire. My sunshine is him. So I find the climb again.

Jumping into our Sunbeam!

My day may be a little gloomy outside but I never fail to believe that my sunshine will beam when these two arise and it begins to shine so bright with all their hopes. Like the cry this morning to Jump it out of their bones. Surely there was no need to go outside to see the sunshine when I have the brightest sunbeams looking at me. They hardley ever notice that the day holds sometimes very little sun, because we hold it in each other. It may rain but they will find a way to jump into everything they do with laughs. How can I resist this love affair for laughs. I will not deny them the freedom of fun.

Fairy Dust on Toes.

Tap... tap... Clack...Clack...is all I have been hearing for the last week since this fateful purchase occurred. Ava is the one who requested these slippers. A sweet request as she butters me up. She says to me Mommy "I want clackity clack slippers with heels and feather dust on them". So I stumbled upon them and ever since then (last week) That is all I have been hearing I peel them off as she crawls into her castle at night and we even have band aids on little toes from blisters they are causing but she says "mommy I Insist" so there you have a mommy that is to weak to say no. And so she suffers because she loves them so much. She dances...she walks...she even stands still and stairs at herself in the mirror. Ha! I'm sure she thinks that all she is missing is a huge lolly pop in her hand and all her dreams would come true. To funny! Love the fairy dust and the almost missing toes.

End of My Day

So everyday I find us opening each other up. You see for what ever reason why I have had to endure the road "I" have taken, just seeing these two little stars have made me stop running and just stand still. What would my days be like without a little pulling of all my fabrics. I cherish the fabrics I'm discovering in them everyday. A sigh of relief as the "mommy maid" can stop sail until the next day. To the end of my day is a quiet almost odd silence that I just cannot believe. There lays my promise...Ava...Alayna...they are what gives me wind to keep sailing for whatever reason that is. So today we laughed and ran a marathon of what to do next...to who did what...Ha! Will I ever truly know who did it? The smiles that come from just saying that will last forever. So sleep my queens of day and princess's that need to be rescued by night. This is what and who I hold in my night.

New Year for the 3 Little Ladies

You are both my vinyard that God has given me to keep and maintain. I planted the seed that God put in me and I water daily to nourish and supply your emotional, physical and spiritual needs before you plant your own seeds. I pray that with every year, these needs are met and that God gives me the grace to keep watering, so that one day you both could swing from the vine of my life and own your own vineyard. This year calls your name for laughter, sunshine and Im sure, plenty of rain. To the loves of my life and the two grapevines that keep me on my knees. I will seek him for you and teach you to seek his love. Lets continue to hold hands and swing into this year.